Guaranteed to make Gail start giggling!
Where does a hamster go for Spring Break?
(Humphrey says: "Look it up on the map!")

When do hamsters run away from rain?
When it's raining cats and dogs!
(Humphrey says: "Scary things, like Clem!")

What do you call a hamster that can pick up an elephant?
(Humphrey says: "Elephants are BIG-BIG-BIG!")

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
(Humphrey says: "Remember this on Halloween!")

By Humphrey, of course!
Sayeh: How were the test questions?
A.J.: Easy.
Sayeh: Then why do you look so unhappy?
A.J.: The questions didn't give me any trouble, but the answers sure did!

Pay-Attention-Art: I don't think I deserved a zero on this test
Mrs. Brisbane: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!

Mrs. Brisbane: Garth, can you tell me what the outer part of a tree is called?
Wait-for-the-Bell-Garth: I don't know..
Mrs. Brisbane: Bark, Garth, bark!
Garth: Okay, I will. Woof! Woof!

Mrs. Brisbane: Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Raise-Your-Hand-Heidi: He should have gotten up on time and caught the school bus like everyone else!

Mrs. Brisbane: Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree?
Repeat-It-Please Richie: I'm stumped!

Mrs. Brisbane: Gail, what did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
Stop-Giggling-Gail: I don't know. I wasn't invited!

Mrs. Brisbane: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A.J.: At the bottom!

Mrs. Brisbane: Where is your pencil, Richie?
Richie: I ain't got none.
Mrs. Brisbane: Richie, don't say that. Now listen: I do not have a pencil. You do not have a pencil. They do not have a pencil. Now, do you understand?
Richie: Sure, but what happened to all the pencils?

Heidi: Want to hear the story about the broken pencil?
Garth: No, thanks. I'm sure it has no point.

Miranda: What did you write your report on?
A.J.: A piece of paper.

Sayeh: How many books have you read in your lifetime?
Art: I don't know. I'm not dead yet.

Richie: What did you get for your birthday?
A.J.: My aunt gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday. I couldn't find the words to thank her!

Miranda: What does your history book tell you about the Civil War?
Garth: It doesn't tell me anything. I have to read the dumb thing.

Mrs. Brisbane: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day ?
Art: I get up early !

Mrs. Brisbane: What time do you wake up in the morning ?
Richie: About an hour and a half after I get to school.

Aldo: Do you think Mrs. Brisbane likes you ?
Richie: She loves me! Look at all those X's on my test paper !

Mrs. Brisbane: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have ?
Miranda: Big hands !

Mrs. Brisbane: If you got $10 from 10 people, what would you have ?
Garth: A new bike !

Sayeh: Why was the math book unhappy?
Miranda: It had too many problems !

Mrs. Brisbane: How did Edison's invention of electricity affect our lives?
A.J.: If it weren't for him, we'd have to watch T.V. by candlelight!